Is a love like this really possible? I am terrified out of my skull at the risks I have taken in such a short time. I'm not saying I have doubt becase every day gets better than the last. I'm just scared that when something seems to good to be true, it may very well be. Is it possible he really is this perfect or are we living in the fantasy world that is all relationships in the beginning. I don't want to miss a minute with him but I am frightened that it's all a dream. I am deathly afraid of getting my heart broken again. I don't think I could handle it. In fact, I KNOW I wouldn't be able to handle it which will in turn add more strain on my relationship with my ex-husband.
He doesn't like me having casual relationships with guys because we have two young girls and he worries that they're going to be whores. They're 5 & 7 for crying out loud. I know other kids who talk about having boy & girl friends at this age but it's the last thing on my girl's minds. Ask them when they can have a boyfriend and they'll tell you 14. They are very smart girls and are pretty obedient. Their dad doesn't agree with me getting their ears pierced and even though their holes are healed, they're scared to even wear earrings at my house because Daddy will get mad. Pretty retarded if you ask me, they're girls, let them be girls! Hell, he had BOTH his ears pierced. But, he says they're too young to have their ears pierced. *rolls eyes*
Our parenting styles are completely opposite. He believes in sheltering them from everything. I believe in being as open with them about their questions as I can as long as I feel they can comprehend the answer they desire. There are times when I am at a loss and feel they need to be a little older to discuss what ever crazy thing they ask me about and I explain that to them. My theory is this, while you should shelter your children from some things they're not old enough to understand, giving them the information they desire and allowing them to make their own decisions is vital. Of course, I'm right there to guide them and try and make sure they don't do anything too stupid but I'm also there when they fall and we discuss what went wrong. I try to be as supportive of my girl's desires as I can, within reason.
Growing up, I desperately wanted to play sports. . .do after school activities. You know what my parents said: Sure you can do it, IF you can find the money yourself and get your own ride. They didn't even TRY. I know we didn't have much money but to not even try!! At one point, I even coached #2's soccer team because it was the ONLY way they were gonna let her play. She somehow got overlooked when they made the rosters and they had enough kids for one more team but no coach. That was an adventure. . .try teaching 12-4yr olds who have never played before without an assistant coach. In this league the coach had to be on the field with the kids at all times!! Nobody was allowed on the bench who wasn't certified so I had to keep my players in line on the field and on the bench!! We had practice on Mondays & Wednesdays from 5p-6p, #1 had practice from 6p-7p on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I Karaoke DJed on Friday & Saturday nights. I had Soccer games every Saturday morning, I was #1s Girls Scout Leader (was supposed to be the assistant but in true Army life fashion, the leader got orders to move to another duty station and I took over) and we had meetings every Sunday. I also volunteered and both my daughters schools twice a week. On top of all this, my now ex-husband was deployed. It was tough. But I managed.
It kills me when my ex-husband says I'm a worthless mom. Just because we don't think the same doesn't mean I don't take care of my kids. Yes, I do like to go out and have a good time but my kids come first! They always have and always will. Anyone who knows me, knows that. They live where they live right now because at the time of the divorce it's what was best for them. I got divorced with no education and no real job experiences thanks to my ex-husband.
So, here I was, 29 years old with not a lot to show. But look at me now! My one year anniversary of my divorce is just around the corner. Just a couple weeks away. I got my first job just before my divorce was final at a super big fast food chain. I was hired for a cashier job but my trainer didn't show up the first 2 days so they put me in another position. I did so well, they kept me there. After a few months I realized I had way more potential than they were giving me the chance to show. I had also moved further away from that store and closer to another one. I went in one day and talked to the manager and told him: This is what I know, this is what I can do and this is what I believe I am capable of, I do NOT want to be crew I want to be a manger. Right there he said "When can you start?" So, I gave the other store notice and began on July 12 of this year. It was also a good move for me because I went from a franchise store to corporate which has way more benefits. Normally, they do 3-2hr orientation days but seeing as I had only been gone from the other store 2 days when I began my orientation, the store manager told me when I left the orientation store I could come work 6 more hours at my store so I could get my hours in and not lose pay. The first day of my orientation was also the day my store got it's yearly inspection from the district supervisor. Guess who was at orientation on Day 2, yup, the district supervisor. He pulled me aside and said he noticed me yesterday while I was working and was surprised to see I was at orientation. I told him the previous day was my first day but I had 6 months prior experience. Told him I planned to be a manger. He did mention that we're not allowed to work until after orientation but since he's seen me work he's ok with it. Toot! Toot! Caught the district supervisors eye on DAY 1!! I know I have continued to impress him since then and he has told me so.
I began manager training classes in Aug and they ended just after my 30th birthday in September. In October my store manager was replaced by none other than the guy who taught my manager's classes. He had JUST relocated to NC from Connecticut so he only knew 2 people in my store. Myself and the other manager trainee who was in my class. Another big check mark for me! I became Opening Manager in mid October and I open that store on my own 5 days a week. I now have a set schedule. . . .no raise yet but they're working on it. I am on the right path and getting my life in order so that my kids can live with me in a stable environment.
On top of all of this, I have found love. I have the most amazing man. Who treats me better than I could ever ask for! Yes, I am still terrified. But in typing this, I have gained a new peace of mind. I have overcome so many obstacles in my life in such a short time. While I can only hope for the best, I know no matter what happens this cat is landing on her feet.
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