Why do I do this to Myself??

So 2 days ago I called my girls to see how they were doing and their plans for thanksgiving....I haven't seen them since August 7th when their dad decided that if I didn't have my own vehicle, then they couldn't come over for their court ordered visitation. I got tablets for them, myself and B for our christmas/bday presents. When I called them, I let them know I had got their presents and invited them to Victoria's bday party. Well, I installed twitter on my tablet a little bit ago..... I decided to check their dad and Nat's to see what's going on with them since I'm blocked on facebook and see a post from Nature and days ago just after my call that saysher poor sweet girl was shattered. I had their bday party planned here for Aug 16th due to $$ issues. It's not my fault that their dad refused to let them come over after the 7th of Aug...... So why is Nat's "Daughter" so Shattered??? She's not yours..... She's mine..... I didn't give her up...... You and your husband refuse to allow me to be close to thembc in your eyes, I'm the bad guy. I may not be the perfect parent..... But I love my girls - all day of them - more than life itself