Contentment

 Had a nice night with my beau....can't call him my boyfriend yet....but we're getting there....it's amazing how things have changed in the dating world....Off work this morning.....sitting in his living room while he's at work. It's kind of nice....very relaxing.

   A little background....he's in the Army and I am a manager for a very large fast food chain. Not my ideal job but it's a stepping stone. My job will help pay for me to go to college and be what I've always wanted to be...a paramedic. I surprisingly love my job. I am the opening manager 4 days a week and I karaoke DJ on Sat nights.

My ex-husband and I divorced Feb 2010 after nearly 7 years of marriage and 2 beautiful daughters. I lovingly call them #1 and #2....birth order...not favorites and they know that!

   I have struggled my whole life to find my place in this world. . . .ever since I was a little girl. While my ex and I were separated...stupid state laws require a one year separation....I began dating an amazing guy who helped me find myself and who I was. While the way it ended was pretty shitty, it was a turning point in my life. He was the first person who ever accepted me for who I am and didn't try to make me into someone I wasn't and the first person I was able to do the same with. He taught me that relationships don't have to be so complicated. That you can talk through things as they happen instead of blowing up and getting into screaming matches. We were together nearly 8 months without a single argument. But alas, the life of the Army....he left just as my divorce was being finalized. I realized my life here is where I need to be and he needed to be across the country with his daughter and family. After our break-up, I found it difficult to date people seriously....why settle for mediocre when you can have your dreams?

  My takes on life are this: Be true to yourself! Never sacrifice your own happiness for someone else. The ONLY person who can control your happiness is you. It may be lonely but it's not worth giving up who you are for someone else and the one who is worth it, won't make you do it.

  So, back to my morning....my beau and I crashed early last night....around 8p. I woke up with him this morn around 7 (he got to go in late this morning because he has to fly....he's a Blackhawk crew chief). By 8am I had already got texts from 2 of my employees. One had a death in the family and was upset the manager on duty wouldn't let her go home and wanted to get in touch with the store manager. I chatted with her a bit and told her if she needed tomorrow or Sat off (when I open) to let me know. Then, my BFF (lol) texts and asks me if I open tomorrow. I respond "yes ma'am" and i get a text back "Yayz!!....I get my fave back hahahahah....no lie i like it bttr when u open"   Most people would get annoyed at being bugged on their day off but I treat my employees like my kids/family.

  It took some getting used to from the people who have worked there for years but they have come to truly respect me! Some are haters but I can't help that. The only people who don't like me are the ones who are either jealous or don't like it because I don't play favorites.  You might be thinking Huh? you just called her your BFF....I am who I am regardless. I am true to myself at work and away. I try everyday to be fair and consistent. Those who work with me the most know this about me: We have a job to do and that's what I expect. We can joke around and have fun when there is down time but when it comes down to it, business is business. These are the rules and I expect you to follow them...at the same time I will not ask you to do something I wouldn't want to do without helping you out. I also will not do anything I tell you you can't do. I may be their boss but I have to hold myself to the same standards in order to gain the respect. It's nice to hear people say "Yeah, if anybody else had called me and asked me to work, i'd have said no!" I am a person and I am compassionate. You take care of me and I'll take care of you. We have a business to run but if we don't have people, what's the point? They also know that I'm not afraid to be told when I mess up. How can I grow if I don't know where I fall short?

  I know my posts is kinda random....scattered...but that's me. I tried to fight it but finally accepted a diagnosis of ADD 2 years ago. It was also a turning point in my life when my doctor gave me a sheet with the symptoms of ADD....I read it and said "Wow, this is EVERYTHING I ever hated about myself all my life" I am currently not on any medication for it since I lost my insurance in the divorce but my insurance with my job kicks in next month.

  Well, this is my ramblings for today.....looking forward to dinner with the kids and my beau tonight. While they have met him several times before in a casual setting...this is the first time we've gone out together. The girls absolutely think he's awesome. Soon we'll tell them we're more than just friends......but who really needs a label?